Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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