went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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