also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
