Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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