I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
