i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
