Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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