i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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