I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
