put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
