Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize