Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
