i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
