idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
