So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize