Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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