I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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