I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
