After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
