Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can't special order awesome
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
