saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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