hotel room ftw
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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