There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
