Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
