marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just pynch a tree in the face
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She needs sedatives and a leash
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
