Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
