come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
