Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
