Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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