Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
