Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize