Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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