Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
