Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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