i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
