i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
