I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
