i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
