Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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