why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
