living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
