yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i think my cat just said my name.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
