Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
