his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
