you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
