lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
