i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
