So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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