i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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