my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
