just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
