SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
