two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
