Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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