It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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