ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
