I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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