I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
