Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
