So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
