Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
