Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
