Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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